


3. Dancing

by sahiya



Series: Five Times the Doctor Really Did Not Understand Humans and One Time He Did [3]
Category: Doctor Who, Vorkosigan Saga - Lois McMaster Bujold
Genre: Crossover, Crossover Pairings, F/M, Jack Harkness would have a timeshare at the Betan Orb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-21
Updated: 2013-12-21
Packaged: 2018-01-05 08:41:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1091890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sahiya/pseuds/sahiya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If there was one thing the Doctor could never wrap his head around when it came to humans, it was the way they talked about sex. Or rather, the way they obsessed about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	3. Dancing

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Philomytha](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Philomytha/gifts).



> Happy Holidays, philomytha!
> 
> This fits in _mostly_ within the continuity of "The Countess and the Doctor," though in "Five Times Cordelia Vorkosigan Did Not Slap the Doctor" I imply that Jack had never met Cordelia before Bellacosa IV and here . . . well, wibbly-wobby time-wimey!

If there was one thing the Doctor could never wrap his head around when it came to humans, it was the way they talked about sex. Or rather, the way they obsessed about it. 

It was therefore unfortunate that the Doctor found himself sitting at dinner in one of Bellacosa IV’s finest restaurants with Jack Harkness, whose genetically enhanced pheromones were so potent that even the Doctor couldn’t claim to be unaffected (well, he could and did _claim_ , but the truth was something else), and Cordelia Vorkosigan, who was Beta Colony born and bred. She hadn’t called it home in forty years, but cultural wiring, the Doctor knew, was not easily cut.

Truth be told, the Doctor had hoped to avoid having to introduce the two of them, but the universe was not that kind. He’d expected Jack to behave with Cordelia the same way he behaved with everyone, of course, but he’d also expected Cordelia to turn him down, gently but firmly, in the most Betan way imaginable. 

That . . . did not seem to be what was happening. At all. In fact, by the time the server brought their entrées, the Doctor was certain he had no idea what was actually happening at the table.

The food was excellent, just as it was on every Bellacosa he’d never visited. They were a chain of culinary planets, each more impressive than the last. The Doctor cut into his piece of perfectly cooked bluegill - named for its vibrant color - and breathed in the delicate scent of garlic and butter. Dining on Bellacosa IV engaged all the senses - all human senses, that was. The Doctor had several that were left out. 

"So, Doc, when is this for you?” Jack asked as he poured wine for all three of them. “Wait, let’s see, the first time I met Cordelia was at Martha’s wedding, but she doesn’t seem to know me, so I’m guessing you haven’t done that yet. Time travel, you know,” he added to Cordelia. “Nothing happens in the right order. But knowing that you’d met me before explains a few things.”

“Such as?” Cordelia said, arching an eyebrow at him. 

Jack smirked. “To quote a future friend of the Doctor’s: spoilers.”

“Yes, Jack, _spoilers_ ,” the Doctor said firmly. “And now we’re locked into going to Martha’s wedding if we want to avoid a paradox.”

“That’s not my fault, Doc,” Jack said with a shrug. “Besides, you had - _will_ have - a great time at Martha’s wedding, and it meant - _will_ mean - a lot to her to have you there. Plus, don’t you just love early 21st century weddings? They’re so quaint. One man, one woman - it's adorable."

Cordelia raised her eyebrows. "When are you from?"

"Fifty-first century. Yourself?"

"Thirty-first."

"Ah ha. From your accent . . ." Jack frowned thoughtfully. "Beta Colony?"

"Very good."

"Don't give him too much credit," the Doctor said, glancing up from his plate to shoot Jack a squinty-eyed glare. "He probably had a timeshare at the Orb.”

“Not quite,” Jack said, flashing Cordelia _that_ smile again. “Though when I was with the Time Agency we use to draw straws for assignments in that particular place and time." He laughed. "Once I was made captain I started making the straws and my luck got considerably better."

Cordelia laughed. The Doctor rolled his eyes. “Honestly, you humans commodify the strangest things."

"Ignore him," Jack told Cordelia. "He fits right in with the 21st century."

“Well, pardon me if I don't feel the need to blabber on constantly about sex,” the Doctor objected with a sniff. ”It's just sex, it's a biological function, a reproductive act. Bacteria do it."

"Not as well as we do," Jack said with a grin. "Come on, Doc, even you have to admit that as biological functions go, it's one of the more amusing ones. Especially on Beta in the 31st century.”

“But you said earlier that you spent quite a long time on Earth in the 21st century,” Cordelia said. “How did you handle the sexual conservatism?”

"Not very well sometimes." Jack shrugged. "I got used to it, mostly, though the monogamy drove me crazy on occasion - as though you couldn’t love one person and sleep with someone else. God forbid you loved more than one person at a time." His gaze slid briefly toward the Doctor. "But it had its benefits - the company, for instance.”

"Mmm," Cordelia said, nodding in agreement. "I was born and raised on Beta, but I spent the last forty years on Barrayar - which could have been hell but wasn't, because of the company I kept.”

“I see,” Jack said, leaning back in his chair and eyeing Cordelia in a way that made the Doctor want to scowl at him. "And what made you leave sordid and delightful Beta for equally sordid but far more bloody and monogamous Barrayar?"

Cordelia smiled. "Just about the only reason anyone would ever make that sort of decision. I fell in love. Most spectacularly." 

“Ah,” Jack said in an enlightened tone. “What are you doing here, then?”

Cordelia’s smile dimmed, just a little. “One of the other ways Beta and Barrayar differ rather dramatically is in relative life expectancy, and since Aral was ten years older than me to begin with . . . I’m sure you can do the math.”

“I see,” Jack said, a little heavily. “Yes. I know that problem.”

The two of them looked at each other, and the Doctor had the sudden and rather unpleasant sensation that there was a conversation being had right under his nose that he was not privy to. It wasn’t the first time that had happened to him with humans - it had happened to him with Jack and Rose a number of times, in fact - but it never failed to annoy him. 

“So,” he said, brightly. “What shall we do after dinner?”

“I don’t know,” Jack said, answering the Doctor’s question but looking at Cordelia. “How do you feel about dancing?”

“I love it,” Cordelia said. “It’s been ages since I’ve danced anywhere but the Imperial Residence. Doctor, what do you say? Dancing?”

The Doctor eyed Jack suspiciously. Jack merely smiled and ate a bite of his steak, giving no outward indication that when he said “dancing,” he meant _dancing._

“Why not?” the Doctor finally said, with a sense of resignation. “Dancing it is.”

Hours later, the Doctor returned, decidedly alone, to the TARDIS. He wasn’t sulking, he told himself as he threw himself onto the jumpseat. And he wasn’t jealous, not of either of them. Though there was a certain easiness there that he envied. Sex on Gallifrey, such as it was, had never been so unencumbered as it was between humans. Most Time Lords had considered it so unseemly that they’d loomed their children. Which, the Doctor supposed, pointed toward a rather strange obsession in and of itself.

 _Humans_ , the Doctor thought with a strange, muddled mixture of fondness, envy, and exasperation, and slid off the jump seat. If he was going to be stuck here for a day or two, he might at least get started on a few long overdue repairs.


End file.
